They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but the tally for an unfinished one?
This is a sketch of my time vehicle, and not a very good one at that. After six weeks work, the artist had the gall to present it as the finished article. I could have done better myself, in the time he took!
I decided to be done with it, and fired the man on the spot. However hard you try, you just can’t get good help these days. And the tally for what I think of the matter? These hundred some words!
Time to get this show on the road!
When it comes to travel, I’m not even in the same league as Dr Who and the TARDIS. I use a pickup truck to get places for my business, and lack of experience driving a police box doesn’t keep me up at night, wondering if I made the right career choice. At my age, I know my limitations!
If it’s cheap thrills you’re after, this is not the place to be. Off with you, to the Doctor who moves heaven and earth, traveling seamlessly through centuries in the time it takes me to reach the end of the street. The travel experience I can offer is more leisurely, and in the end more satisfying!
I wanted to show you my vehicle, but confess I’m no longer the mistress I used to be. I can’t get the hang of those tiny communication devices everybody uses these days to make instant photos. My hands are more suited to farm work. I found a local artist to paint a picture instead. As soon as the paint is dry, it will have pride of place in the frame below. That’s a promise!
I don’t want you going away empty-handed, so I decided to display a portrait of myself, just to hold the fort, so to speak. It’s a poor substitute for my sheep truck, but I’m proud of the necklace. A solid piece of jewelry, unlike most of the TAT they turn out today. I hope the picture doesn’t give too much away!
All I ask is you take a chance, let me be your chaperone on our first trip through time!
If only my parents had been more conscientious about being present at my birth…
As it was, it was left entirely up to ME to present myself as breech to the midwife. I was soon considered runt of the litter by everybody in the Pepys household. MOI – with my squint eye, bowed legs and mild dwarfism. But, these apparent deficiencies were little more than inconveniences, which suited me in a perverse kind of way, because I soon realized they could be turned to my advantage!
Bowed legs for example, are the bees knees for riding a horse. They cling like a limpet, giving a girl the confidence she needs to ride her stallion. A full canter over Salisbury Plain was sorely enough, to do the trick. It introduced me to the THING boys were after. When I found out how much it really meant to them, the fun and games really started. Though I say it myself, I am a terrible tease!
Eventually, my parents received news of my difficult birth through the grapevine, and had the grace to commission a local artist to paint out any false impressions. The portrait gives such a rosy a picture of me, that a distant relative was even persuaded to ask for my hand in marriage!
The marriage proposal was rejected, but it shows what fools men are, to focus exclusively on a woman’s exterior, with no consideration for her beating heart. Truth is, it make our lives a lot easier. The plainest of women may use fabric and finery, to pull the wool over a man’s eyes!